Friday, August 04, 2006

As a present someone paid for Caroline to ‘adopt’ a meercat called Rizzo at Colchester Zoo. Included in this gift were some entry tickets, so off we went today to take a look around. It being the school holidays I spent quite a lot of time dodging bollock-height rocket-propelled six-year-olds, and both of us spent time getting out of the way of massive prams (Tell me, why it is that when the toughest 4x4 requires only four wheels these prams require eight wheels?) pushed by fat-arsed dumbos: “Why’s it digging holes?” “Because it’s a meercat and that’s how they look for food you thick cow.” “What’s that?” “Read the fucking sign … oh, sorry.”

I have to say the zoo was a disappointment. It seems much like the Natural History Museum, which only has 20% of its exhibits on display – the rest stored away in warehouses. And what’s taken the place of the removed 80%? In the museum, it’s plastic dinosaurs and interactive displays, in the zoo it’s the latter plus kiddy’s play areas, shops and other similar crap. And another thing: where’s the fucking reptile house? Nope, not there. In our pc green environmentally-aware cuscus-eating dictatorship we have the Amazonian, Asian and African areas. Well fuck off. I go to the zoo to see animals not environments. The most animals I saw were stuffed toys in the shopping scrum you can’t avoid on the way out. Never again.

6 comments:

Bob Lock said...

I can just picture this…

Rizzo Asher being taken to first day at school by Neal:

‘Now listen here boy, take everything with a pinch of salt. These twats that call themselves teachers know sod-all, just buckle down, nod your head and keep a low profile or you’ll only end up with a bloody nose to go with your two black eyes…

So, seems like you enjoyed yourself today, Neal?

Hur..hur… :)

Kirby Uber said...

there was, i imagine a lion cage? and thus, a solution to the 'too many children' problem.

everyone needs a bit of exercise.

"one, two, three, heave! one, two, three, heave!"

Anonymous said...

Sounds like that present made you mad..

Neal Asher said...

A couple of nice experiences: walking through the perspex tunnel in the seal pond, seeing the male lion posing like Aslan on top of a mound, watching the giraffes fooling around. Just can't get over the feeling, seeing the way they behave, that some of the animals definitely don't want to be there.

Stargeezer said...

The meerkat is cute and the zoo is shite but whatever happened to Max?

Neal Asher said...

"Max The End" will be appearing soon. Just keep watching.