Tuesday, December 21, 2010

PETA Learns Secret Handshake.

I was sent a link to this by Bill Brunton. The one who posted it here, notes, 'Don't know if this is true or not but it is funny'. Don't hold any coffee in your mouth while reading this.


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Activists Missing After Declaring “War on Leather” at Motorcycle Rally January 10, 2010 by randyedye.

Johnstown, PA (GlossyNews) – Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers “duct taped inside several fast food restaurant dumpsters,” according to police officials. “Something just went wrong,” said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. “Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong.”

The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activists, “growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting profanities at older women wearing leather or fur coats,” decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event “in a hope to show them our outrage at their wanton use of leather in their clothing and motor bike seats.” “In fact,” said the organizer, “motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them using it…ergo, they should stop.”

According to witnesses, protesters arrived at the event in a vintage 1960’s era Volkswagen van and began to pelt the gang members with balloons filled with red colored water, simulating blood, and shouting “you’re murderers” to passers by. This, evidently, is when the brouhaha began.

“They peed on me!!!” charged one activist. “They grabbed me, said I looked like I was French, started calling me ‘La Trene’, and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all day!”

“I…I was trying to show my outrage at a man with a heavy leather jacket, and he…he didn’t even care. I called him a murderer, and all he said was, "You can’t prove that." Next thing I know he forced me to ride on the back of his motorcycle all day, and would not let me off, because "his girl friend was out of town and I was almost a woman.”

Still others claimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot dogs under duress. Those who resisted were allegedly held down while several bikers “farted on their heads.”

Police officials declined comments on any leads or arrests due to the ongoing nature of the investigation, however, organizers for the motorcycle club rally expressed “surprise” at the allegations.

“That’s preposterous,” said one high-ranking member of the biker organizing committee. “We were having a party, and these people showed up and were very rude to us. They threw things at us, called us names, and tried to ruin the entire event. So, what did we do? We invited them to the party! What could be more friendly than that? You know, just because we are all members of motorcycle clubs does not mean we do not care about inclusiveness. Personally, I think it shows a lack of character for them to be saying such nasty things about us after we bent over backwards to make them feel welcome.”

When confronted with the allegations of force-feeding the activists meat, using them as ad hoc latrines, leaving them incapacitated in fast food restaurant dumpsters, and ‘farting on their heads,’ the organizer declined to comment in detail. “That’s just our secret handshake,” assured the organizer.

26 comments:

Ryan said...

Sounds too funny to be true!

Neal Asher said...

Wishful thinking I reckon. Animal rights activists taking on the Hell's Angels? They wouldn't be that stupid ... then again ...

Ryan said...

Im all for ethical treatment of animals (I've posted posted on this blog before about 3Rs policy) but articles like this

http://www.peta.org.uk/issues/animals-are-not-ours-to-eat/

from PETA claiming bollox like "animals are not ours to eat" and that vegan diets have "tremendous health benefits" just show how fanatical and near religious this movement is. There is a lot of good in PETA im sure but to argue vehemently that eating meat is wrong and going on a vegan crusade just looks nutty

Phil M said...

A useless piece of info for you. Any self respecting bikeer knows that kangaroo leather is best.
Knew "Skippy" would be useful for something!

Phil M said...

Sorry to many ees in biker

vaudeviewgalor raandisisraisins said...

i'm almost 100$ vegan (amoral political reasons if you must know). is there a downside to the health benefits? maybe you know something i've been ignoring for years and years.
i look (aka act like a 12 yr old) younger than anyone in my age group. pretty sure about the soaking in virgin blood too, as it doesnt hurt doin' things right..

Skippy!...r.i.p.

Andrew said...

That's hilarious. Cheered my day up after spending it out in the open and being snowed upon.

Cheers!

Ryan said...

vaudeviewgalor raandisisraisins I wasnt trying to suggest the diet was bad at all (sorry i often don't explain well in type!), but it is a stretch to suggest that a vegan diet is healthier than a balanced meat eating diet

JSA said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
vaudeviewgalor raandisisraisins said...

uh....

i guess i can't comment since i have no meat needs. back to the weight room (heh).

JSA said...

I have been a vegan for the last 16 years and hasnt done me any harm.Ryan as a vegan I can tell you categorically that when I went 100% vegan the health benefits were just obvious.I used to cycle race in the early ninties and spent 10 years off the bike completely came back in 2002 was able to train harder than I ever could for longer and in under two years I ended up 1 second behind the national champion timetrialist over 10 miles after that I had to get back to illustrating so couldnt continue the training as the deadlines put payed to that with my illustrating .Im a bit confused how you can claim that they are talking nonsense when you arent a vegan yourself.Maybe you should go Vegan first before commenting how ludicrious a vegan diet makes you healthier a claim is.
Massive support to the animal rights campain.

dcgreg said...

False.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/leatherprotest.asp

Google search any phrase from a questionable story with "site:snopes.com" and you'll usually be able to determine quickly whether it's your everyday internet hoax/spoof.

Andy said...

Mr M is quite right - Kangaroo is very comfy. And I can indeed confirm that parties with those kind of guys can get a little out of hand... that being said, I'm surprised that some of these fanatics didn't disappear permanently! It's likely that the story isn't strictly true, but gonzo journalism and the Hells Angels have a long and flirtatious history.

BTW Neal, great work with the dystopian, disturbing and frighteningly plausible future-shock. I'm a definite fan, as that's the kind of sci-fi I write in my spare time (crunchy, hard-edged, spiky, crazed...), and we all need inspiration. Keep on doing what you do best, and let Waste Processing sort out the bodies!

Neal Asher said...

Ryan, a lot of these 'movements' are like religions. Check out the Penn & Teller Bullshit episode on organic foods on You tube.

Phil M, I never knew that. What do they do with the rest, turn it into dog food or sell it to expensive restaurants?

A problem here with diets and lifestyle choices would be mixing up cause and effect. If you're so concerned about your body you change your lifestyle to that extent it seems highly likely you're going to be healthier then most people. I imagine that the vegan diet does have tremendous health benefits when compared to a Macfatbastard diet, but how does it compare to a diet that supplies no more nutrition than the body requires? It's like saying a car will run better on biofuel than normal fuel. The source of the fuel is irrelevant.

JSA and Vaude, do you have to take B12 supplements? (And I'm only asking out of curiousity)

dcgreg, in this case it doesn't matter whether it's true or false. I posted it because it was funny.

Thanks Andy ... funny you should say that about waste processing. Have you been sneaking a peek at the stuff I'm writing now?

JSA said...

Hi Neal way its Jon here your "Vegan" waits for silence.. cover artist. Loads of b12 in soya milk matey and leafy veg`s +nuts..that what I know of..probs more elsewhere but I shopping bores the hell out of me..as log as I feel fit with the food I consume thatll do me.Ill be finishing cover to The Departure in next week so will get that in then.Then its Hilldiggers and Line war..I am going to pester you for info more those 2.. I have ten days to knock those 2 out so its gonna be a fun Christmas for me.Have a fantastic Christmas.By the way ive been out on my bike in the thick snow ..us vegans are toughies :o).take it easy will bother you soon. happy Christmas to all here and ive been looking at the bookmarks and wow well impressed.

Neal Asher said...

I did wonder, Jon. I know that B12 can be manufactured using bacteria and doesn't have to come from meat, but I was wondering about it's necessity. I was just reading this:

While lacto-ovo vegetarians usually get enough B12 through consuming dairy products, vegans will lack B12 unless they consume multivitamin supplements or B12-fortified foods. Examples of fortified foods include fortified breakfast cereals, fortified soy products, fortified energy bars, and fortified nutritional yeast. According to the UK Vegan Society, the present consensus is that any B12 present in plant foods is likely to be unavailable to humans because B12 analogues can compete with B12 and inhibit metabolism.

I have to admit I've gone off cycling for the moment. It's not the snow or ice that bother me but the way some pricks drive in it.

Phil M said...

looks like they do both

Waiter, "a kangaroo burger and hop to it!"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kangaroo_meat

JSA said...

Yeah its not a problem at all..Ive never thought about lack of anything in my diet as if I feel good then I feel good. whether lacking any form of vitamins.When I used to race I learnt a hell of alot about what foods I could afford to leave out.Ive never had a problem with lack of vitamins.Im sure some report will come out in future saying this or that vitamin is good or bad for you and then so on . I dont hold much trust in the lack of this or that.I have never taken supllements .I have never sinse the age of 15 taken antibiotics or any pills of anykind.If I have flu ill suffer through and build my immune system from it.Most of us have a choice I think the lack of any vitamins are the least of the worlds troubles with wwith all the sh*t being pumped out from factories.
I agree on the madness out there..Used to drive me crazy but I just shrug it off now. I see alot of bad cycling out there aswell probably the very same useless drivers..jumping red lights does my head in...Your living in Time trialling country Neal..my stomping ground for years racing up and down flat dual cariagways.Its the local roads now that are the danger..I tend to stick to getting out on my local A roads...freedom away from the crazzies.

Neal Asher said...

Kangaroo burger ... maybe jump to it, Phil? Hop to it confined to rabbit burgers?

I'll be back on the road soon enough, Jon. In fact, I should have cycled today but made xmas related excuses to myself. Still, I'm doing sit-ups and press-ups in the mornings so that's something.

JSA said...

But its good that people can all have vastly opposing views and not one side is competing for whos right or wrong :)

Neal Asher said...

I'm a libertarian, Jon. That essentially means that I feel people can do as they damned well please, except tell me what to do.

JSA said...

A Librarian Neal?? bloody hell then surely youd know when to shut up? .haha only jokingg :)
hey have a good Christmas mate.. will chat in new year.

vaudeviewgalor raandisisraisins said...

see "our Daily Bread" and tell me what you think of that compared to the Bullshit tv show. they hit the ball right some of the time, but the 9-11 hack job they did was pretty fucking shoddy opinionated moronathon.

i dont take vitamins much. i buy calcium because of my active face planting, rib bounce idiocies, and eat bagels once in a while which have eggs in em. honey is a must for me, used to (help) raise bees and the way land is used for them compared to the cows, i'm ok with.

i have more stamina than anyone i work with for the live shows.

JSA said...

Neal tried to google UK Vegan Society and nope nothing came up apart from someones report on wikipedia..
But if you mean the main Vegan Society site which I can locate on google then theres a million references to how vegans can get their daily intake of B12 the answer = eat more b12 .This isnt really something Im too bothered about as the vitamin thing bores me senseless as I eat food that keeps my alive and dont tend to worry about how many micro grams im lacking or getting in this or that.Its a spurious argument against vegans
Danger with wikipedia is that any joe blogs can submit a report on there..I tend to go for the sites themsleves rather than what someone has added on there.
But only when my todger drops off then ill put it down to lack of Vit B12 until then life goes on.

Neal Asher said...

Here, Jon, some stuff under nutrition along with a downloadable booklet:
http://www.vegansociety.com/

Vaude, here's a link to a bit about what I was telling you about previously, e-cigs:
http://tinyurl.com/38oh5th

vaudeviewgalor raandisisraisins said...

disturbing e=cigs. like in the u.s. people go to Cuba or Mexico for cheap medicine. might have to go to Argentina for the non proprietary e cig "work up to" health rod.

amazing.

found out that most vitamins in the u.s. are unregulated impure crap compared to swiss and german inspected stuff.
the calcium has helped though, i'm of that age when i should be doing something other than exercising and changing my diaper once a week.