Saturday, January 10, 2009

Atheist Bus

This is amusing and of course the 'offensive' word is once again rolled out to try and shut people up. Seems the world is full of people getting all offended which is great for governments wanting to bring in more legislation to control every second of our lives:

The advertising regulator has received almost 150 complaints that an atheist ad campaign, proclaiming "There is probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life", is offensive to Christians and other religions that believe in a single God.

Thing is, religions are allowed to advertise with their 'Jesus loves you', 'God is great' and some of them even have television channels dedicated to promote their ridiculous Bronze Age nonsense. I find that extremely offensive but don't expect it to stop any time soon and would defend their right continue. So why shouldn't atheists be allowed to advertise? In fact let's have a TV channel and make the message a bit stronger than the rather bland one on the side of that bus. Anyway, I'd love to be a fly on the wall during this investigation:

Hanne Stinson, the chief executive of the British Humanist Association, which launched the campaign, said she "pitied the ASA if they are going to be expected to rule on the probability of god's existence. However, if they do investigate we will be very happy to respond.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Playmobil Security Checkpoint


My thanks to Phil Edwards at Live For Films for pointing this out to me. It's the Playmobil Security Checkpoint sold on Amazon. Read the comments below - they're hilarious. Here's a sample:

I was a little disappointed when I first bought this item, because the functionality is limited. My 5 year old son pointed out that the passenger's shoes cannot be removed. Then, we placed a deadly fingernail file underneath the passenger's scarf, and neither the detector doorway nor the security wand picked it up. My son said "that's the worst security ever!". But it turned out to be okay, because when the passenger got on the Playmobil B757 and tried to hijack it, she was mobbed by a couple of other heroic passengers, who only sustained minor injuries in the scuffle, which were treated at the Playmobil Hospital.
The best thing about this product is that it teaches kids about the realities of living in a high-surveillence society. My son said he wants the Playmobil Neighborhood Surveillence System set for Christmas. I've heard that the CC TV cameras on that thing are pretty worthless in terms of quality and motion detection, so I think I'll get him the Playmobil Abu-Gharib Interogation Set instead (it comes with a cute little memo from George Bush).

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Green Man Review.

Very nice review of The Gabble over here and Greenman Review:

Best story? I really can't say, for much the same reason that I can't pick out the best novel of the entire Polity series. Having read eleven novels and one collection comprising over ten thousand pages of reading, I can only say that all of it is excellent, all of it well-worth reading. If you haven't yet read your way through this series, I envy you; if you have, go get your copy of The Gabble and Other Stories right now before it sells out in hardcover!

Cat Eldridge.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Flood

Over the last two days we sat and watched a film in two parts called Flood, starring amongst others Robert Carlyle and David Suchet. The first half was good (everyone enjoys a disaster movie) but for the latest fashion of, “Let’s shake the camera about to make it appear more exciting,” then the second half lapsed into bathos through to plain daft at the end. Robert Carlyle gets all emotional with his ex-wife and his estranged father, Tom Courtenay, who in turn sacrifices himself at the end to save London in a piece of televisual silliness. Yeah, you’re going underwater into a room that will close off and trap you in there until the city is saved, well, take some more air bottles you prick. But I guess the thing that completely shafted the whole film for me was that, Courtenay, the hero who sacrifices himself, was a climate modeller: “I inserted your data into my model with the result that I, and only I, know that disaster is on the way.” Not particularly credible now we know how climate models don’t work. And not particularly credible that a climate modeller would be seen anywhere away from a computer or press conference and actually out in the ‘environment’.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Article 17: Super Trooper

Just before reading through this I wondered if my opinion might have changed any, finishing the article, I found it hadn't. We're still on the liberal shit-slide, it's just that the shit is getting deeper...



SUPER TROOPER.


I've just re-read Robert A. Heinlein's Starship Troopers – a book I originally read when a teenager. What little I remembered of reading the book then, had since been swamped by the lurid images from Paul Verhoeven’s silly but enjoyable film. I probably would not have read it again but for two circumstances: firstly my mother happened to bring home a copy from the charity shop in which she works, and secondly, the strident claims that Heinlein is fascist/right-wing/libertarian from members of the British SF establishment, piqued my interest, for it is often the books recommended by the same critics and self-styled academics that bore me into a coma.

My second reading of this book gave me what I’ll describe as the Dad’s Army effect. When I watched that series as a child, I laughed along with the slapstick and enjoyed it on that level. Watching it later as an adult, I began to appreciate the adult humour. Starship Troopers can appeal to the SF-with-boy’s-toys oriented adolescent just as much as to an adult with the same orientation. But reading ideas of how human rights and privileges should be earned and should be equally balanced by responsibilities, I began to see why Heinlein is disliked by so many, then I hit chapter eight.

There are those who consider his work ironic – satire – when he is describing his future society, but that’s wishful thinking on the part of people who cannot accept that someone who produces such lucid enjoyable work does not buy into their political beliefs. His satire is in fact directed against the society of his time, and of our time, of which he is unstinting in his scorn. Not accepting the cop-out that he didn’t really mean it, it would seem then that Heinlein advocates corporal and capital punishment “…they (wrongly) assumed Man has a moral instinct.” his narrator tells us, this, after detailing how the delinquents of the twentieth century were never really deterred from going on to become full-time criminals. How they never, in the puppy-training analogy he uses, had their noses rubbed in it.

He comments on a death sentence carried out on someone who kidnapped and murdered a little girl: Well, if there was no way to keep it from happening once, there was only one sure way to keep it from happening twice. Which we used. The old liberal platitude has it that the death penalty is no deterrent to murder, which is like saying that hitting a paving slab at 125 miles an hour is no deterrent to jumping off the Eiffel Tower. Well, you’ll only do it once. Of course such arguments are too simplistic for the politically correct and ‘socially aware’, but he has a pop at them as well on the subject of corporal punishment: “…the time-tested method of instilling social virtue and respect for law in the minds of the young did not appeal to a pre-scientific pseudo-professional class who called themselves 'social workers' or sometimes 'child psychologists'. It was too simple for them, apparently, since anyone could do it using the patience and firmness needed in training a puppy. I have sometimes wondered if they cherished a vested interest in disorder..."

Such simplicity is not relished by those who studied psychology, sociology et al at the universities where they also received their political indoctrination. (It’s sad that so many enter the SF world via the same route and consider themselves radical, when really they’re only joining the establishment.) Such people have not so much a vested interest in disorder, but in over-complication, because that way they can wrest control from poor normal plebs. “You must not smack your child, bring him to the child psychologist and if that doesn’t work, we’ll dose him up with Ritalin, then during his ensuing life this severely screwed-up human being can keep any number of counsellors, psychologists, social workers & sociologists in employment.”

Reading about Heinlein’s work I discover that he did not write 'literature' and that his later works were weighed down with didactic right-wing/libertarian tracts. Of course, had those tracts been left-wing/liberal, he would have been on a higher pedestal in Britain than the one he presently occupies – his work branded as serious literature containing much important social commentary. You gotta laugh.

Starship Troopers was first published forty-six years ago. Read chapter eight if you cannot be bothered with the whole book. In the political zeitgeist of today’s Britain Heinlein is not accepted as a visionary, but that will come after the lunatics presently in control of our society have finished shovelling their excrement at the fan, in the time when we have to clean up the mess.

ENDS.


Sunday, January 04, 2009

Gov.com Bollocks

-->
Television adverts are irritating at the best of times, but are now becoming doubly irritating as advertisers adopt government doctrine so that now double glazing will reduce your carbon footprint, margarine will stave off obesity and expensive yoghurt will stop your arteries clogging (whilst filling your plastic recycling bin with piss-little pots). But at least these advertisers are only trying to sell us something.

Worse are the endless begging adverts and health warnings paid for by our taxes funnelled to on-message charities like, for example, ASH, which received a total of £11,143 from the public and £320,400 from the government, or like Alcohol Concern, which received nothing from the public but over £400,000 from the Department of Health.

Worse still are the ones brought to us direct by gov.com. Presently we’re being bombarded every evening by the low fat healthy living message from the Morph’s Plasticene family. This message is delivered with such teeth-filing dumbed-down patronising nanny-state knows best subtlety I want to throw a brick through the screen. Apparently healthy people eat carrots and apples and dump burgers in the bin. Healthy people walk rather than use the ‘comfy car’ or the ‘more comfy bus’ (The message here of course that those who use the bus are less reprehensible than those who use a car).

Then, this morning I discover two full-page spreads of this dreck in two national newspapers. Obviously the budget for ramming home gov.com statist tripe will be the last to be cut as the country goes into financial meltdown. I mean, gov.com has £75 million to throw at this, but only just managed to scrape enough together for drugs to stop people going blind.

They just won’t stop, will they? They just won’t be satisfied until we are all good little low-carbon carrot-eating robots obedient to nanny state for every minute of our lives.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Australia

Shall I compare thee to a block of granite? Film viewing on Tuesdays being discounted at the cinema in Freeport Braintree, me and the wife headed down there to watch a film that seemed to have potential, to be followed by some food in a nearby Mexican restaurant. We watched Australia, though I have to admit there were periods when I wasn’t watching, having closed my eyes in the hope of drifting off to sleep. What a load of boring cliched tripe. Yeah, it was about as interesting as watching a block of granite, there seemed an equivalent amount of active chemistry involved too, however, Australia differed by having a story substantially less interesting than that of a block of granite. Is it Nicole Kidman? I can’t seem to remember any enoyable films in which she has appeared, but I can remember plenty of dreadful ones, like Cold Mountain, Atonement and Moulin Rouge.


And the beef in my fajita was tough too.


Okay, I got Atonement wrong, that was that Keira Knightley. As Bob pointed out I was so fucking bored I forgot who was in the damned thing.


Prudence Brown Strikes Again.

-->It’s nice to know that good old prudence Brown, whilst calling for us all to summon up the ‘Blitz Spirit’ to get us through the credit crunch, is still prepared to stretch his generous hand across the world. Today we learn that $10,000,000 of our money has been promised in aid to the Gaza strip. So, as we enter the new year and you’re collecting your P45 or shutting the front door on your house for the last time you can be comforted by the knowledge that your taxes are helping out Hamas. This bunch of murderous fuck-pigs can now spend their plenteous funding from Iran on more weapons rather than on helping the people they are supposed to represent. Perhaps this year Hamas will be able to beat last year’s record of 5,000 Islamic Jihad missiles dropped on Israel, who knows?

Thanks a lot Gordon
.

Of course, it's worth noting that the sum promised is in dollars this time. This is probably because Qassam Missile Inc. would rather be paid in a currency with some chance of retaining its value.



-->
Note: If you’d like to check out just how much of your money is blown each year on funding outside of Britain by the Department for International Development, check out the figures in the tables starting at page 240 of this document. Oh, and since the figures are in ‘£ thousand’ don’t forget to add three zeros. Yep, you guessed it: it’s billions. DFID expenditure was in the region of £4.6 billion in 2005/06. As for 2008/09, these tables give planned expenditure, so probably more was spent. Here’s some examples: after £163 million on administration you’ll be glad to know £94 million was to be thrown at ‘global environment funds’ and about £1.5 billion at Africa.




Monday, December 29, 2008

Sci-Fi-London Interview

Well, there's a video interview with me up on the Sci-Fi-London site now, which will later be added to the list of interview on their .tv site. I haven't yet watched it myself but Caroline tells me it's OK - not too many ums and ers.

SCI-FI-LONDON was lucky enough to meet Neal Asher at his Essex home to talk about his latest book, The Gabble & Other Stories, about writing and about 15 years of the Polity universe, David Fincher, Heavy Metal and the internet as a distraction from real work.

Now, I really really must get out of Christmas mode and do some of that real work.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Drink Safely this Christmas...

Here’s a few facts for you if you’re worried about how much you drank over Christmas. Remember, the health Nazi claim of 21 units for a man and 14 units for a woman being the ‘safe’ limits is utter and complete bullshit. These figures were guessed by the Royal College of Physicians in 1987, but have been maintained by subsequent statist nannying health ministers for no more reason, it would seem, than to excuse screwing you for taxes and also in an attempt to kill your enjoyment of life. Here’s part of an article from the Times Online:

In 1993, a study of 12,000 middle-aged, male doctors led by Sir Richard Doll and a team at the Radcliffe Infirmary, Oxford, found that the lowest mortality rates – lower even than teetotallers – were among those drinking between 20 and 30 units of alcohol each week.The level of drinking that produced the same risk of death as that faced by a teetotaller was 63 units a week, or roughly a bottle of wine a day.

By 1994, five studies had been published which showed that moderate amounts of alcohol gave some degree of protection against heart disease. A year later, scientists at the Institute for Preventive Medicine in Copenhagen, who studied 13,000 men and women over 12 years, found that drinking more than half a bottle of wine a day – 50 units a week – cut the risk of premature death by half
.

Right, some red wine with dinner, then I think I’ll finish the job with some whisky chased down with homebrew bitter.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Atonement

Having opted out of Sky because we’re not here enough for it to be value for money, we’ve been spending money saved on DVDs. Last night we sat down to watch one of them and, both of us liking films about World War II, we chose Atonement. I have to say that it was only by dint of some whisky and homebrew beer that I managed to retain the will to live. This film was like what some academic writers do to history when they manage to turn an interesting subject into something dry as dust boring. Caroline told me to give it time, but when her eyes started to glaze over I knew it had had time enough. I wonder, is the McEwan book as bad as this, because apparently the film is faithful to it. I wouldn’t be surprised, since this is Booker literarty-farty territory. If you’re looking for a romping good war story go and buy Enemy at the Gates, however, if you’re looking for a soporific…

Last Colony

Just a little I wish Scalzi would give us alien aliens rather than something I feel certain could be created with an application of latex, also there's almost an antiquated feel to these books as if I'm reading something out of my loft library, maybe a Poul Anderson, Heinlein or some such, but that doesn't undermine the pleasure of the read. In the end The Last Colony had characters and a story that thoroughly engaged me and I polishing it off in a day. And without a doubt I'll be getting hold of Zoe's Tale, and enjoying it just as much.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Spooks 6 Continued.

Ah, I made a large error in my previous post about Spooks Series 6 in that I thought I’d reached the end at eight episodes. Perhaps that was hopeful thinking. Anyway, there were two more episodes which we sat down to watch last night. Maybe there was a chance of the series redeeming itself here, but I didn’t hold out much hope.


I was right; it was utterly contrived dreck.


Let’s go with the first disc: an IRA bomber has come to exact vengeance upon our heros. He intends to detonate a car bomb in a busy part of London. He instructs the spooks to position themselves around the car, at which point he will give them time to drive away the public before detonating it and killing the spooks. Of course, if they don’t come he will kill civilians and then detonate further bombs until the spooks comply by sacrificing themselves. Damn me Al Qaeda and all the rest should try this method. I mean the tube bombers could have taken out MI5 and MI6 all in one hit.


The second disc was as bad. Two highly-trained spooks, a man and a woman, are captured by a couple of guys who intend to torture them. These two spooks placidly allow themselves to be locked in a room together prior to torture commencing. They are not bound, they are not injured and the torturers use just the one door to enter the room. Whilst in the room the female spook asks the male spook to snap her neck because she doesn’t want to be tortured. I guess it never occurred to either of them to try attacking their captors. Yes, the torturers are armed with handguns, but isn’t the possibility of getting shot better than a) the certainty of a broken neck and b) unremitting torture? Are MI5 fucking pacifist now?

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Which Reminds me.

After putting down Black Man I picked up John Scalzi's Last Colony, already with the foreknowledge that I'll polish the book of in a day or so and thoroughly enjoy the process of doing so. Way back in the mists of time I did a little review of Old Man's War, but I didn't do a later review of Ghost Brigades because I was on Crete and avoiding the Internet. It deserves to be mentioned as yeah, more of the good stuff. Go buy it and read it.

Brown the Economic Genius.

-->A little while ago I put up a little poster made (I believe) by the blogger Guido Fawkes, which drew numerous comparisons between Brown and Mugabe, and now it seems another comparison can be drawn. Mugabe has now released the $Z10 billion dollar note which is apparently worth about £13. Well, it’s worth £13 right now but it seems likely the Pound will be rushing to catch up. Labour’s tinkering with the economy and pursuing this excellent idea of spending more money to get out of debt has only served load us with some extra tens of billions to pay off. National debt currently stands at 160% of GNP. They’ve failed, and now going the predictable route of bankrupt countries, are preparing to print more money. Last night, on Have I Got News for You, they showed a film clip of a government spokesweasel talking while smoke rose behind her. The initial joke was 'Liar liar pants on fire' but Ian Hislop surmised that was the smoke from pensioners burning pounds to keep warm. Look forward to the time you’ll be using your carrier bags to carry money on the way into the supermarket.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Black Man.

Enjoyable stuff, but perhaps far too heavy on the polemics for some. A couple of times I felt the urge to skip bits, especially some of the long conversations serving as vehicles for social commentary, but I didn’t skip because by then Mr Morgan had hooked me. Also, for someone who very definitely can illustrate the shades of grey in human existence, Morgan goes blind to them when writing about what seem to be his pet hates: religious fundamentalism and right wing politics. Taking a whole lump of America, labelling it ‘Jesusland’ full of ‘Republicans’, and dismissing it as a backward society is somewhat ironic, when his lead and insightful Thirteen is supposed to be more primitive still. I suggest a read-up on some Dawkins about closet Atheism in the Bible Belt. But then who am I to criticise that, my contrast setting is always at the top of the slide. And I have to add that naming a lethal virus ‘Falwell’ had me chuckling.

But though there’s so many pegs in this book to hang negative criticism on, these weren’t enough to drive me away and Morgan kept rescuing it with something like the Raymond Chandler maxim of walking a gunman in through the door. I just knew that shortly the characters would again pick up the plot, we’d be in for some more gritty violence, twists and betrayals. Yeah, that plot seemed to wander a bit, but the characters, the sheer story-telling ability and tight snappy prose kept me nailed. In the end you know you’ve enjoyed a book when, after reading the last line, you think, bugger, I’ve finished it.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Smoking Ban.

A website here blowing all those ASH and government (same organisation really) anti-smoking ‘facts’ out of the water. Here’s an interesting bit about the effect of the ban on our pubs:
The financial analysts Goldman Sachs - hardly a "pro smoking organisation'' - recently stated that the smoking ban has reduced average pub profits by 10% . Scottish & Newcastle, the UK's largest brewery estimated a 8% fall in beer sales in January and since then beers sales in the UK have fallen to their lowest level since the Great Depression. But most devastating to the ASH version of events are the statistics for pub closures which accelerated dramatically in 2007. The trade journal The Morning Advertiser blamed this squarely on "the savage impact of the smoking ban and spiralling costs" and the figures require little comment:
2005: 2 a week
2006: 4 a week
2007: 27 a week
Those non-smokers who were, apparently, driven from pubs by all those nasty smokers, better hurry and get back before the pubs are all gone.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Teaching History.

-->Whilst watching a programme about the Royal Airforce the other night, Caroline and I were having a chat about the history we were taught at school. I recollected that in junior school I did pick up something about the Romans to which she replied, “You were lucky”. Now I recollect that in those early years I also learned about William the Conqueror and Queen Elizabeth. However, our later schooling was precisely the same: endless boring lessons about the fucking Industrial Revolution.
I came out of school with the impression that the greatest events in British history involved Arkwright’s Spinning jenny, Jethro Tull’s seed drill and big Northern factories belching out coal smoke. It seemed to me that the world was changed by the new ways cotton was turned into sheets. Now certainly the Industrial Revolution was a big thing, but it’s not going to stimulate a pupil’s interest in the past and, perhaps, kids should be taught something about other historical events like, oh, I don’t know, a couple of wars we had at the beginning of the last century. I wonder, is history still taught in the same way?

One of the touchstones of ‘modern’ teaching has been this idea that pupils must be engaged with a subject, their little flighty minds must be teased and tempted by treats to get them interested. If this is the case, why the boring Industrial Revolution? Probably because it caused a ‘social’ revolution and anything prior to it in the minds of the indoctrinaires who run our education system is irrelevant, unless of course it can be thoroughly traduced in some way. Doubtless lessons are now taught about inequality, poverty and slavery (for which we must dip our heads in shame and apologise), whilst Trafalgar, Waterloo and Agincourt are glossed over or ignored as rather embarrassing.

Anyway, the final upshot of this conversation was my contention that history should be taught backwards. Both Caroline and I learned more about our history after leaving school, by wide reading, many excellent TV programmes, and in her case research into family history, and that last is where you get a great deal of engagement with the past. Might it be better to teach history by engaging pupils in this way? Okay kids, find what your grandfather or grandmother did, find out what their parents did and we’ll start from there. Almost certainly some of the pupils will have relatives who fought in the World Wars, almost certainly they’ll have relatives who died of tuberculosis, some will have been evacuated, some in the land army. From this point of engagement the teacher can then move backwards, whilst the pupils know that what is being taught is actually relevant to them.

Of course, one problem with this is the kids must know something of their family’s past. What did dad do? He buggered off. What about your mum and dad? Dunno, I wus in care.
Your family history? Take pride in three generations on the dole.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Sci-Fi-London

Ah well, I've just done a video interview for Robert Grant of Sci-Fi-London. He'll (hopefully) be editing out my ums and ers to put it up sometime anon. Not sure if I'll look at it myself. I've hated audio interviews I've done because I tend to gabble, lose track of what I was saying and generally don't 'perform' all that well. In the end, if I'd wanted to be a performer, I wouldn't have retreated to my bedroom all those years ago and started writing weird stories. That's the thing about this writing lark, it's not all about celebrity and being amusing and intelligent in front of an audience, it's about an utterly introvert pursuit in which you don' talk to people for hours on end.

New German covers.