Monday, January 28, 2013

Lavender Nightmares

We’re now coming to the end of our temperance month which, according to ‘health professionals’ is not such a good thing because it might encourage people to think that once the month is over they can pour down the booze willy-nilly. I stopped listening to health professionals long ago when I realised that in their efforts at self-promotion they were contradicting each other every week. All I do know is that a month off the booze gives my liver a rest, proves to me I’m not an alcoholic, and is just one sign of my increasing disinclination to drink alcohol. In fact, as this month draws to a close I’m not at all anxious to go find a corkscrew. But anyway, that’s beside the point I’m aiming at.

One of the effects of foregoing the booze is better sleep. I’m finding myself sleeping for 7 to 8 hours a night and the only time I get up is to stumble to the toilet, usually because of the excessive amounts of tea and cordial I’ve drunk. This good sleep I’m finding increasingly important, as it is for many as they get older. In the past I’ve had trouble and one solution I tried was dripping lavender oil on my pillow beforehand. Last week, while in a chemist, I spotted a bottle of the stuff and on impulse bought it and tried it out again. The result was heavier sleep – I’m now mostly sleeping right the way through to the morning – and some lurid dreams and nightmares.


I have, this week, burned the living head of Hitler, along with his chopped up body; been swimming with both my parents, though slightly puzzled about the presence of my father since he was dead; been involved in a car crash; and at one point had artichokes growing out of my bottom until I delved inside to remove the large chunk of root from which they were sprouting. Weird shit, so to speak, and the first time I’ve remembered dreams for many months. Time to put a notebook by my bed I reckon, since story ideas might be available. Though I’ll probably give the story about anal artichokes a miss.       

14 comments:

Chrish said...

Sure it was only lavender you took and no other 'substances' Hahaha!

Chrish said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
robann said...

There's also a lot of self-delusion with regards to alcohol. As I've become middle-aged and middle-class I've noticed that many of my friends have switched to drinking wine - and quite expensive wine. I'm sure their main reason is if they were drinking 8 cans of Stella a night they'd have to admit they have a problem whereas they drink two bottles of wine and say "I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a connoisseur!"

I think you should view getting the artichoke scene into a book as a challenge...

Neal Asher said...

No other substances Chris. Tobacco and booze are quite enough.

robann, even though I said I'd give it a miss the thought does occur ... alien world with fast-growing plants that will germinate in any ... ahem ... soil.

robann said...

It does make sense. For many fruits the purpose is to be consumed so that the seed is excreted far away and in suitable fertilizer. Why not start the germination earlier? Small seeds could even be present in water and use the same mechanism without having to waste energy building a fruit to tempt the animal.

An artichoke would be ok. Imagine the problems if cacti used this mechanism?

Jezcentral said...

Robann, one quick scene involving Mr Crane would solve that conundrum! :)

vaudeviewgalor raandisisraisins said...

so your pillow i soaked with oil? how does that work/clean up?

also do you have to take it with LSD?

these nightmares. wish we could swap, i've never had a nazi problem in mine, just zombies (yawn), cliff diving in glass clothing, spikes going thru finger ends to the wrist, suffocation in space, & being run over by things 100xs my size. no nazis. GODDAMIT.

Neal Asher said...

robann, I'm talking about a globe artichoke here. You do know they're related to the thistle?

Neal Asher said...

I must admit that was an unusual one, Vaude. Usually I'm realising that it's a Giger alien I've just seen in the next train carriage.

Neal Asher said...

One drip of concentrated lavender oil evaporates during the night, Vaude.

robann said...

Ah - I was thinking about Jerusalem artichokes. In that case you'd just be pooping potatoes.

I suppose a globe artichoke has spines in a uniform direction so easy to go one way but impossible to reverse (like an arrow head).

Evolution and natural selection should optimise this for the benefit of both species if possible. Of course humans (who have arrived afterwards) may not be so lucky.

vaudeviewgalor raandisisraisins said...

" I'm realising that it's a Giger alien I've just seen in the next train carriage."

i've been in your dreams, age 10-34.

Graeme Finch said...

A whiff of Lavender. Oh how I snickered to myself.

Graeme Finch said...

PS: I may try it myself, I'm rubbish at sleep.