A bugger. The first 3 days of this week I’ve managed to do
my 2,000 words a day. I’ve also been getting in plenty of meditation sessions
and this has been making me feel more stable, more in control. My reward this
morning for that seems to be a sore throat, phlegmy cough, aching body and a
nose full of snot. But no, the world doesn’t work like that.
It is only the human mind that tries to impose some pattern,
some logic on disparate events. It is the human mind that links such events
together in a story. My mind of course is a lot more practised because
I’ve made it my job to link up stuff like this. I write and find new
interesting toys as I go along, and impose upon them the order of a story. This
ability is the source of my success but it is also a factor contributing to my
present fucked up mind.
But fuck that shit.
The meditation is working. Directly after each session I
feel normal (or at least my version of that). I think more clearly and find myself
dismissing trains of thought leading down into the pit. The time when I feel ‘right’
is getting longer and longer. This is all good, but I’ve also made an
appointment to see a hypnotherapist to see what else can be done to straighten
out my head. Maybe I should see a doctor too though I fear that would lead to
pills. But that would be my choice, and I would choose to avoid them.
I will beat this.
1 comment:
I also struggle with depression and I find it motivating to read from someone as awesome as you about your struggles. My wife and I have a saying for the 'bad times' and that is, "This too shall pass." Whatever is happening in the now, will quickly become yesterday, and even more quickly become just a memory. We will get there; whatever the path taken, we will get there.
Respect and goodwill to you.
Post a Comment